In the spirit of “What Not To Wear”, a TV show aimed to help the fashion challenged identify appropriate attire for their wardrobe, I give you “What Not To Tweet.”
There was a time I believed, however naively, that 140 characters too small of a number to get into trouble. I have since come to realize, in appalling form, that I was grossly mistaken. Therefore, to my twitter friends who find themselves Tweet Challenged (I pray to God you know who you are), I provide for you this list of WHAT NOT TO TWEET:
- Anything that would normally occur behind closed doors
- Any tweet including the words “bathroom” or “spandex” (REALLY not interested)
- References to body fluids.
- “I’m so hot.” Just avoid that one altogether.
- Any descriptions that might stimulate a gag reflex
- Announcements about soaking in the bathtub or shaving legs. See #1.
- “Guess what I’m wearing?”
- @replies to everyone. All the time. Without stopping. (Ever heard of DM?)
- The rare, gourmet quality of your peanut butter and jelly sandwich (try nailing something clever to say while you EAT IT, for crying out loud)
- Invasive doctor’s appointments, lab tests or specimens taken. A simple “Tests today” tweet will suffice. See #3.
- Graphic descriptions of a cold, the flu, allergies and any associated drainage. Again, see #3.
- Any tweet that results in an @reply that says “TMI, dude.”
I hope this helps (you have no idea how much). Consider it a gift. Me helping You. I’m a giver.
(For those who don’t Twitter, check out www.twitter.com for more info on this social networking tool. Good stuff. Most of the time.)