Yesterday I posted about Chasing Francis (Ian Morgan Cron). I haven’t finished the book yet, so I’ll reserve my overall opinion for now. All I know is the character painted by Cron in the first chapters breached a dam. And since I promised to fill you in a little …

Cron’s character is a long-time God-loving, fearing pastor named Chase. Chase finds the rug of his well-constructed faith pulled out from under him when he begins to face a few doubts, all of which come to a head when a young girl and member of his congregation dies unexpectedly. Suddenly, through the conduit of pain, he’s standing on a theology that isn’t as black-and-white as he once thought. And the revelation of this crushes him. The rest of the novel chronicles his journey to rediscover God and faith for what it IS, rather than what he’s made it to be, by following the ancient steps of Francis of Assisi.

The tears started before I finished the first page. By the time I moved deeper in, I was literally making a scene. What in the world?!?!?! Still figuring out the “why,” but I believe it is in part because I’m not standing on my same old safe rug anymore either. Yes, I believe in God with all my heart. No, you don’t need to add me to the prayer chain. BUT, I’m not so sure some of the theology around which I’ve meticulously constructed my life is as solid as I once believed it to be.

THIS ROCKS MY WORLD. I resent feeling vulnerable and insecure. I prefer confidence, to have my arms wrapped around answers. But try as I might to pretend otherwise, this is where I’ve been for months now. In the middle of a forest where the path has become a little less obvious.

I hesitated posting at first, because I believe authenticity comes with responsibility. However, at the end of the day, pretending is overrated. Honesty rules. I’m a woman with more questions than answers, who loves God deeply but can’t always figure Him out.

If that’s good enough for you, and you don’t mind me making a scene every now and then, then welcome to the journey. I’m glad to have the company.

Part three tomorrow.

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