I am …
I typed those words on my laptop minutes after leaving a sweet circle of high school girls. Every week we met as a small group, to share life, laugh and study a little bit of the Bible. I loved those girls as my own, saw so much of myself in them.
Which is probably why my heart ached when I watched point-blank their struggle with insecurity and identity. These were mostly middle class, suburban, church-going girls. Girls who, on the outside, appeared to have it all. And yet they appeared desperate, like pinballs flinging themselves from relationship to relationship, loud and frantic and attention-seeking. I knew behind all that bravado sat fragility. Their constant obsession with selfies and cell phones didn’t fool me. They weren’t shallow. They were starving, trying to find someone to love them.
By the time I got home that day, my longing for their security turned into a longing for my own. Sure, I had age and maturity. I knew how to control my selfie impulses and hide my desperation. But I understood their frantic behavior more than I cared to admit. I feared rejection more than anything. It drove my schedule and often dictated my emotional extremes. You see, when you don’t believe you’re worth much, your mood is entirely dependent on how the people around you feel about you.
And so I typed up those two words, I am … And then stared at the blinking cursor.
Who am I, really?
Truth is I didn’t know. I thought I knew, and chased those ideas and possibilities around from one day to the next. I am a woman. A complicated woman, but a woman nevertheless. I am a mom. A wife. A writer (I think?). A mediocre pianist. A speaker (sort of?). A runner (slow) and lover of the outdoors and …
But none of those things solved my emptiness. Because although I played my role and did my job, I didn’t feel like I did any of them all that well. I was a hack, a sham. I knew better than anyone my long list of blunders and failures.
I am …
It’s been at least six or seven years since I first wrote those two words. Of course, I had zero idea at the time how my identity struggle would grow more complicated in the years that followed. I had no idea how cancer would change my body. How some of those changes would make me feel like less of a woman, wife, mother, writer, speaker. And how the physical changes would then create an internal uncertainty that was even more dark and difficult than before.
And so, beginning in 2013, through 2014 and 2015, and right up until this moment, I added words to that Word document until those two words became a solid answer to my question, a reassurance for those high school girls, and a place of deep rest for you, too:
I’ll be honest: This book has cost me. The only way to find a sure footing is to eliminate all the fluff. Turns out I’d built my confidence on a lot of “fluff.” That means I had to experience a lot of “losing” to find a strong enough place to stand.
You’ll hear more about I Am in the coming weeks. But today, I have a single question:
Will you join us? Will you be a part of the I Am Launch Team?
We need your voice. You can help change the narrative, point the searching to the only real answer. Would you be willing to be an ambassador, to walk out the journey and then share it with someone else? We have a big world filled with hungry people searching desperately for a fill.
As a launch team member, you will get an advance digital copy of the book, I Am: A 60 Day Journey to Knowing Who You Are Because of Who He Is, access to a private Q&A call with me just for launch team members, access to a private Facebook group and a few more surprises!
As a member of the launch team, we ask that you:
- Read the digital copy of the book in advance & send us a review
- Spread the word on your social media channels, and tag me whenever possible
- Write and share a blog post about your I Am journey, if you’re a blogger
- Leave a review on at least one book seller’s website (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, CBD, Mardel, Family Christian Stores, etc.)
- Interact with the launch team community
Interested? Simply complete this form by December 5th. The launch team will be limited to around 250 people, so please don’t delay. We want to make sure that the group is large enough to make an impact, but small enough that my team and I can interact with you on a personal level.
Thank you ahead of time for your heart for this message and your passion for knowing who you are because of who He is. I can’t wait to see what he has in store for each of us!
[reminder]On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being ‘no problem at all’ and 10 being ‘an almost daily struggle,’ how much have you wrestled with insecurity and identity? [/reminder]