Why Smiling Isn’t Something You Should Forget

Posted on February 21, 2012 by Michele

This past Sunday we had a guest worship leader at church. He came from a community up north, only for one day, to lead worship in all four of our church services. With a guitar strapped over one shoulder, an early 30-something look, and the normal jeans-and-tshirt attire, he didn’t appear to be any different from our normal worship leader. In fact, most of the songs he chose were part of our regular line-up. Nothing unusual, nothing new really. Except for one key difference:

He smiled.

From the first note until the fading echo of the last, his face lit up. Our normal worship leader is great, I have no complaints. But he’s often serious. This guy was different. Seldom have I seen someone enjoy their private worship as he did — publicly. In fact, he looked as if he couldn’t be happier anywhere else in the world. He was exactly where he wanted to be. I have a feeling the rest of us could’ve slipped out the back door and he would’ve kept going, smiling all the while, just for the sheer love it.

As a result, my own worship went up a few notches. His enthusiasm filled the room with an electrifying presence, my skin tingling in response. I’m not talking overdone acrobatics on the stage, or even cheesy plastic entertainment. He smiled. A genuine inside-to-out, head-to-toe radiation of his pleasure in that moment. The result was contagious.

Sometimes we forget to be happy about our spirituality. In all the seriousness and suffering, we neglect the glee. Why does smiling matter?

  1. Smiling Can Change How I Experience This Moment. There’s a host of scientific data to suggest smiling changes brain chemistry. Just as a frown can reinforce negative feelings, smiling can reinforce–perhaps even drive–positive feelings. If happiness came in pill form, we’d be popping it three times a day and at bedtime. As it turns out, happiness might be even easier to come by. And free!
  2. Smiling Can Change How Someone Else Experiences This Moment. No doubt about it, smiling impacts those around us. If I asked you to list the top three people you love being around, I’d bet each one smiles more often than not. We are drawn to happiness like moths to a light. Choosing to smile, then, makes us the kind of person other people want to hang around. It creates opportunities for influence, a platform for life change. Want another interesting tidbit? Smiling even impacts vocalization, meaning a smile may be heard as much as seen!
  3. Smiling Reflects A Part of God’s Character. Every good gift is from God (James 1:17). That means He’s not just a refuge in grief, but the giver of anything that solicits true joy. To see Him as only serious and sober is to miss a part of His character. He is a fountain, the waters of which are good for both soothing and splashing. Beth Moore, in her study on the book of James says this: “We will run our race on one leg if we only engage with God in our suffering or sickness.” He is life, and life is as much about smiling as it is about crying.

Sunday I experienced an unusually sweet and precious time of worship in part because the guy with the cool guitar didn’t forget to wear his smile. Makes me want to pass it on to someone else today.

By the way, I’m smiling.

“I’m thanking you, God, from a full heart, I’m writing the book on your wonders. I’m whistling, laughing, and jumping for joy; I’m singing your song, High God.” ~ Psalm 91:1-2, MSG

Can you share a time when the simple gesture of smiling changed your day?

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When Change Finds Wings …

Posted on January 20, 2012 by Michele

It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad. ~ C.S. Lewis

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Four Lifelines in Oceans of Change

Posted on January 19, 2012 by Michele

Change.

It may be necessary, but I don’t enjoy it. I like order. Predictably. Schedules. Ask my parents and they’ll tell you my childhood bedroom was never in disarray: the bed always made, every knick-knack perfectly placed, and the clothes hung neatly in the closet.

I thrive on routine, and a calendar to keep track of it. Surprises? No, thank you. I prefer to know what’s coming. I almost always know what I’m getting for Christmas, and reading the last few pages of a novel is inevitable. I try not to, promise myself I won’t. But I can’t help it. I MUST KNOW.

Which is why I’m chuckling (one of those insane types) at the thought of our family suddenly raising three more children.

Now, I’m not one to question God, but … who am I kidding? I’m ABSOLUTELY one to question God. Or at least ask Him the burning question I MUST KNOW the answer to:

What were You thinking?!?!

Change is about as comfortable for me as pantyhose and family reunions. Adapting to huge life changes — like my son’s graduation from highschool, moving from our family home, a job change, or, YES, expanding our family by nearly double — is excruciating. There’s a good chance a padded room and mashed potatoes are in my near future.

Except I’ve finally learned change is inevitable. And after 40 years, I’m happy to announce I now adapt to change without quite as much trauma. Or drama.

This time around, I’ve implemented a few safeguards to help me and the rest of our family adjust to another major life change. If you’re reading this blog, you’re alive. And if you’re alive, there’s a pretty good chance change has colored your past and will impact your future. Who knows? You may be in the throes of monumental change right now.

Feel like your going under? Here are a few lifelines to keep you afloat until you learn to swim in your new ocean:

  • Grieve the old. Change signals a loss of some kind. Even good change requires relinquishing something familiar or comfortable. About a month ago, my counselor/mentor gave me the single best piece of advice for adapting to monumental life change: “Let yourself grieve, Michele. It’s okay.” Although many wonderful things will come from this change, we’ve had to release a former way of life. I had to give some things up, and we’ve had to take new things on. Some of those losses are significant. But we lessened their sting by giving ourselves permission to grieve them. Not to dwell on the losses, but to acknowledge them. Only then are we free to embrace the beauty of the new.
  • Accept offers of help. Major life change is usually too big to wrestle down solo. It requires the presence and assistance of others. Over the past few months, we’ve received second-hand toys, clothes and beds. Two friends in particular made it a habit to tell me again and again, “You’ve got this! You can do this!” Another friend sent me an email almost every day for a week asking, “How are you doing? I’m thinking about you, praying for you.” Others offered childcare help or the gift of their laughter and presence. All of these things have made a huge difference in our ability to adapt to change. But it started with us recognizing we cannot do it alone.
  • Get plenty of rest. Adapting to change takes a physical toll. Adjusting mentally, physically, emotionally is exhausting. Whether you’re moving or changing careers, anticipate a drain. It may be energizing at moments, but learning something new will also require more of you. Allow extra time to rest, refresh, regenerate. The extra attention you give to taking care of yourself will help you adapt.
  • Be generous with grace. I’m a recovering perfectionist, and the temptation is to think “You have to figure this all out right now!” Nearly every day I remind myself (often out loud), “One day at a time, Michele. Just take it one day at a time.” My ordered, scheduled self wants everything to feel comfortable. Like NOW. But adjusting to major life change takes time — for everyone involved. Breathe. Forgive. Allow grace to be the pillow on which everyone can fall, including yourself. You won’t do it right the first time, or the fifth time. But you’ve got this. You can do it!

What kind of change are you facing right now? And strategies have helped you adapt to it?

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On Being Original …

Posted on January 11, 2012 by Michele

Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it.

~ C. S. Lewis

Posted in Communicate | Tagged | 2 Comments

When God Asks the Impossible

Posted on January 9, 2012 by Michele

One month ago, our family nearly doubled in size.

Yes. I know. If life were a math problem, mine would look like this:

Mom + Dad + 3 Teenage Boys + Twin 4 Year Olds + 5 Year Old = Impossible

I’ve hinted at it here and there on Twitter and Facebook, little references most people would miss but a few have noticed. I’ve purposefully kept it quiet up until now, at least online. The situation is complicated and private. Not for mass consumption.

Yet now I wonder if perhaps part of God’s purpose in all this is for Troy and I to share the journey, authentically, story by story. For that reason, I’m drawing the curtains today and giving you glimpse inside our home.

Almost 6 months ago, we received a phone call. A relative asked us to raise her three small children. I won’t give you the details of the situation; I love her too much for that. But you can imagine the circumstances and heartache surrounding such a decision. I’ve never been more proud of her.

Without hesitation, we agreed. Naivete does that. Within 48 hours, these three children were in our home, running, playing, being kids, and changing the decibel level. Still, the situation was and is complicated. Within a few days they left, only to return a total of 3 different times, culminating in their moving in to our home permanently a month ago.

As we’ve shared this news with select friends and family, we’ve received varied responses. Most think we’re crazy. Others say we’re “saints.” I can assure you we’re neither. Nearly everyone looks puzzled. Without posing the question, they wonder, “Why are you doing this?”

Excellent question. And one I’ve asked. We were on the verge of empty nest. Two months before the phone call, our second son graduated from highschool. Three weeks before, we sold our 8-passenger Ford Expedition for a small car. One month after, our youngest son started highschool and older two started college. Eight months before I received a diagnosis that completely changed my health and life. On paper, it made no sense. Impossible even.

And, yet, we’re doing it anyway, because:

  1. We Can. Three years ago we bought a fixer-upper home nearly twice the size of our former house. My contractor husband has spent three years remodeling it until it’s beyond anything we could dream of or deserve. We have more than enough space for everyone. Additionally, we’re self-employed, allowing us a little extra freedom to rearrange schedules and adapt. And our three boys are nearly grown, not to mention fully supportive. It’s not convenient, not simple, not affordable, certainly not easy. But we can do this.
  2. It’s Right. In 2008, after returning from two weeks in the poorest area of South Africa, I tattooed Isaiah 58:10 on my ankle. I didn’t want to forget, didn’t want to get so comfortable in my suburban life that I’d forget the faces and the stories of the lost and discarded. I wanted it to matter to me for more than a two-week mission trip. Over the past several months as we’ve considered this change, I’ve been haunted by that verse, not to mention countless others testifying to our responsibility to the poor, needy, wounded and unwanted. Compassion is nothing but 10 letters unless it’s active. As my youngest son said, “Mom, this is what family is all about.” Exactly.
  3. He’s In It. For most of our marriage, Troy and I have talked about selling everything we own and moving to a mission field once our boys are grown. After that first phone call last July, we both felt as if God was saying, “You said you’d go anywhere for Me. Instead, I’m bringing the mission field to you. Still game?” Trust me when I say it’s one thing to dream, another thing to DO. One thing to say, “Here I am, send me” and another thing to strap on your shoes and start walking. Still, I don’t believe God asks us to do the impossible and then passes it off like a baton in a relay. Instead, I believe He is with us in it. And we’re going to see Him. There’s nothing I want more.

A friend recently told me, “Just because something is hard, doesn’t mean you’re not called to it.” This is hard. One of the hardest things we’ve done. Our early naivete melted into stark reality. We’re tired, overwhelmed, and grieving our old, simpler life. But we’re also excited, blessed, and embracing this beautiful new one. It’s not the adventure we anticipated, but it’s the adventure we’ve been ask to take.

And we’re saying “Yes.”

Are you facing something that appears impossible right now? How are you coping with it?

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On Heavenly Satisfaction and Soup …

Posted on January 6, 2012 by Michele

The Cushatt Family has gone through a major transition. My plan is to post on that next week. For now let’s just say our team roster has nearly doubled.

This week, which also happened to be the first week back to school for half of our crew,  I got a virus. Not a sniffly, this-is-annoying type of sickness. But one of those I-can’t-get-off-the-couch kind of scenarios. As if the chaos wasn’t already at an unmanageable level …

In the middle of my misery, a dear friend brought dinner: chicken soup for me and a delish gourmet style meal for the rest of the fam. It fed more than our stomachs.

The next day I read this. A timely word.

“Suppose you’re sick. Your friend brings a meal. What meets your needs—the meal or the friend? Both. Of course, without your friend, there would be no meal; but even without a meal, you would still treasure your friendship. Hence, your friend is both your higher pleasure and the source of your secondary pleasure (the meal). Likewise, God is the source of all lesser goods, so that when they satisfy us, it’s God himself who satisfies us. (In fact, it’s God who satisfies you by giving you the friend who gives you the meal.)”  ~ Randy Alcorn, Heaven

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Why I Don’t Do New Year’s Resolutions

Posted on January 2, 2012 by Michele

“What are your New Year’s resolutions?”

I knew the question would eventually come, but I cringed at the words anyway. My son didn’t mean anything by it. He was simply asking the question everyone is asking. But I’m not a fan of New Year’s resolutions. And so I took a deep breath and prepped to answer with a short sermon-esque diatribe. But before I could launch, my less-verbose husband interjected:

“I don’t do resolutions. I’m going to do what I do every day: Wake up determined to be the person I need to be and live the best I can. I don’t need a New Year’s resolution to do that.”

Hear, hear.

He simply said what I feel about New Year’s resolutions. Excellence shouldn’t be something we discuss and promote once a year. It’s a lifestyle. And although New Year’s resolutions create energy and buzz for life changes, I find they last about as long as Fourth of July sparklers. Here are my reasons for avoiding them:

If something is worth resolving, it shouldn’t wait for New Year’s Day. For example, deciding to exercise and eat right requires immediate implementation. It’s as much a part of your health and vitality in July just as it is in January. Waiting until January 1st to start moving or cut sugar could be detrimental. Instead, just do it. Set a date if that helps you, but how about this Monday instead of January 1st? Do it. And stick with it. The good news? The gym is much less crowded the other 51 weeks of the year.

Like Crocs and Billy Ray Cyrus, resolutions are often rich in hype and poor in longevity. We don’t need more fads; we need life changes. And life changes take more than a holiday to happen. They require the long, slow, day-by-day, and often tedious nature of discipline. Year after year after year after …

Those who resolve in groups often quit in groups. I’m all for accountability, especially when making big life changes. It’s absolutely essential. Finding a partner or small group to commit with increases your chances of success. However, New Year’s resolutions made in frenzied mass also fizzle in a frenzied mass. A month from now many will putter and fade, and watching resolvers disappear will make it oh-so-tempting to do the same.

How do you feel about New Year’s resolutions? Any big ones you’d like to share with us?

 

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The Limit-loving Life

Posted on December 1, 2011 by Michele

It’s been over 3 months since my last blog post.

I can’t believe that much time has passed. The longest I’ve gone without blogging for years. But time is like that, impossible to hold, restrain. It keeps going even when you wish life would allow you to take a moment to breathe.

That’s how these past months have been. For 12 months, our family has been strapped on a rollercoaster ride of experiences–some peaking at the highest of highs, others plummeting us to deep lows. I love rollercoasters, love the feel of the wind on my face and the smell of adventure. But just as I’m spent after a day at Six Flags, our family experienced exhaustion from the thrills and spills of this past year. That’s the beauty of real life. And the reason I decided to take time to breathe.

When I realized that my responsibilities were more than I could effectively tackle, I eliminated a few non-essentials, including this blog. But don’t take it personal — I also stopped cooking and cleaning my house as often. We had to pull back and focus on our family, resting, and simply enjoying each other. Non-essentials faded, and essentials came into central focus. And as much as I love a full and eventful life, I’ve learned more this year than ever before one truth:

I have limits.

So do you.

The problem is I’m terrible at setting limits. I want to do it all, and sometimes fool myself into thinking I can. Until real life happens and I’m reminded that limits are not my enemy, but my friend. Recently I received an advertisement in the mail claiming, “You can do it all in your lifetime.”

No. No, I can’t.

And neither can you.

You can do a lot. You can accomplish great things in your career, become a one-of-a-kind spouse, write books and articles, raise dynamic children, influence people and communities and neighborhoods. But you can’t do it ALL. You can do as much as your innate limits will allow. And each of us have different limits. Learning what those are, and living within them, is key to a thriving life. And thriving relationships.

I have different limits than my husband. Different limits than my coworkers. Different limits than my parents, children, friends, and you. I have my own unique thresholds for activity, emotion, relationship, stress, responsibility, physical expenditure. As I’m discovering what those are and live within them, I’m falling in love with the limited life.

What are your thresholds? Are you living a limit-loving life? Do you respect those limits and make choices (in responsibilities, relationships and activities) that coincide with your limits?

If you’re not sure, ask yourself the following questions:

  1. Are you sleeping well most nights?
  2. Do you have white space (margin) built into most days?
  3. Do you know how to say “no” and DO you?
  4. Is spirituality an important part of each day?
  5. Are you physically healthy?
  6. Do you make eating well and exercise a priority? (If you think you don’t have time, then that’s a “no”)
  7. Do you spend regular, quality time with your chief relationships?

If you answered “no” to more than one of those questions, then your life my need a little reevaluation. You might even need to stop reading this non-essential blog and do something essential, something that shows respect and love for a limited life.

How do you know you’re living outside of your limits? And what do you do about it?

Posted in Infuse | 12 Comments

He Is Our Peace

Posted on August 15, 2011 by Michele

“Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” ~ Matthew 11:28

HE is our peace.

Not my husband, as cute as he is. Nor my children, even though I love them dearly. Not my checking account when it reaches a certain level. Not my house when it’s picked up, or my dinner when it’s hot. Not my long list of accomplishments, nor my even longer list of failures. Not that crisp piece of paper showing my degree and all the credentials. Not the number of friends in my contact list or the comments on my Facebook page. Not that warm fuzzy feeling that fills me from my eyebrows to my toes when everything seems right with the world. No other person, possession, emotion or situation has even come close. HE is our peace.

He IS our peace.

Not was, as in “back then” when I laid in a crib trusting my mom and dad to bring me a bottle and pull the blankets up under my chin. Not back in the day when my biggest worry was whether or not to wear flip flops or tennis shoes to my friend’s house. Not those days in Christian college when I carried a Bible to class and memorized scripture for a calling I hadn’t yet realized. Not even four years from now, when my final child graduates from highschool. Or 20 years from now when our retirement account might start showing a little promise. Not in my twilight years, when time becomes abundant and dreams become reality. The I AM was the I AM in my crib, while I walked to grade school, and when that day of my final breath finally comes. He is our peace, as in the sum total of every moment that ever was, is or will be. He IS our peace.

He is OUR peace.

Not mine, to hoard or flaunt to the envy of others. Not yours, so I look with longing, as an outsider who wonders what she  lacks. Not those who lived in a different time, when the sandaled feet of a Savior walked with His chosen ones. And not reserved those those who are yet to come, those who will change the world with their words and influence and power.  His is peace for all, not reserved for the most deserving. Not withheld from those who need it. It’s a gift offered without prejudice, preference or particulars, best savored in solitude, but celebrated in community. In all our differences, it unites. He is OUR peace.

He is our PEACE.

Not our salvation, although He’s been said to be that and so much more. Not Master or Lord, although both hold true. Not just our Ruler, Transformer, Redeemer or Savior. He is all of those, and yet none of those in and of themselves. Who He is cannot be contained in a single word, can not be described in all the words the human language has ever known. And though He could’ve chosen one and left it at that, the  Jehovah, the unspeakable One, the One Who Was and Is and Is To Come, decided we needed more than a Way to Him. We needed a way to endure until then.

He is our PEACE.

Hallelujah.

“But now in Christ Jesus, you who were once far away have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For He Himself is our peace.” ~ Ephesians 2:13-14

This is an excerpt from August’s “Infusion,” my free monthly newsletter delivered at the first of every month. Need a little infusion? Sign up by clicking on the registration link on the home page.

Posted in Infuse | 6 Comments

My Heart’s In Haiti

Posted on August 1, 2011 by Michele

By the time you get this newsletter, I will be somewhere in the middle of Haiti. Le Jeune, to be precise, east of Port-au-Prince in a small village where we will be building a medical clinic for expectant moms and moms of infants. Since the earthquake, the clinic has been inoperable. We hope to get it close to completion during the time we’re there.

About once every year or two, our family takes some sort of international mission trip. Africa, Haiti, Mexico … the location varies depending on the need. But our intent is always the same: To do what we can with the little we have to show love to someone who longs for it.

For years we’ve asked ourselves if mission trips were the best way to go. Wouldn’t sending a check be more beneficial than spending the same amount to travel there?

On some occasions, yes. But after multiple conversations with missionaries as well as our own internal wrestling match, we believe short term mission trips are worth it. And here’s why:

  1. Telling someone they’re loved and their life matters is much more effective face to face.
  2. Missionaries are encouraged by our desire to partner with them in what they’re doing.
  3. My children capture a greater vision for the world, their part in it, and the God who sees it all.
  4. I am reminded again that my “light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.”
  5. Simply because it’s the example Jesus set and the command He gave to follow.

Pray for us, for Haiti, will you?

 

Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments