Rug-Pulling Pages

Mar 19, 2009

Yesterday I posted about Chasing Francis (Ian Morgan Cron). I haven’t finished the book yet, so I’ll reserve my overall opinion for now. All I know is the character painted by Cron in the first chapters breached a dam. And since I promised to fill you in a little …

Cron’s character is a long-time God-loving, fearing pastor named Chase. Chase finds the rug of his well-constructed faith pulled out from under him when he begins to face a few doubts, all of which come to a head when a young girl and member of his congregation dies unexpectedly. Suddenly, through the conduit of pain, he’s standing on a theology that isn’t as black-and-white as he once thought. And the revelation of this crushes him. The rest of the novel chronicles his journey to rediscover God and faith for what it IS, rather than what he’s made it to be, by following the ancient steps of Francis of Assisi.

The tears started before I finished the first page. By the time I moved deeper in, I was literally making a scene. What in the world?!?!?! Still figuring out the “why,” but I believe it is in part because I’m not standing on my same old safe rug anymore either. Yes, I believe in God with all my heart. No, you don’t need to add me to the prayer chain. BUT, I’m not so sure some of the theology around which I’ve meticulously constructed my life is as solid as I once believed it to be.

THIS ROCKS MY WORLD. I resent feeling vulnerable and insecure. I prefer confidence, to have my arms wrapped around answers. But try as I might to pretend otherwise, this is where I’ve been for months now. In the middle of a forest where the path has become a little less obvious.

I hesitated posting at first, because I believe authenticity comes with responsibility. However, at the end of the day, pretending is overrated. Honesty rules. I’m a woman with more questions than answers, who loves God deeply but can’t always figure Him out.

If that’s good enough for you, and you don’t mind me making a scene every now and then, then welcome to the journey. I’m glad to have the company.

Part three tomorrow.

7 Comments

  1. whittakerwoman

    Oh… we are going to be good friends! 🙂 Thank you for this, and for mine! H

    Reply
  2. Audra Krell

    I thought I was the only one who cried after the first page, especially since books don’t make me cry……this was rough on me, such a truth and beauty to the way God loves us.

    Reply
  3. deana

    Okay – I officially have to read this book.

    Reply
  4. Megan DiMaria

    Thanks for sharing, Michele. It’s good to remember you’re not the only one thrown for a loop.

    I not only had the rug pulled out from under me, it was shredded and scattered to the four corners of the earth.

    It was as though I was on an unfamiliar highway stumbling toward the voice of God, which I could hear so clearly. That was my saving grace.

    Reply
  5. marina

    I just finished reading Chasing Francis 4x consecutively while traveling to and from Africa. The fourth time I underlined, highlighted, circled, wrote notes in the margins. I was/am deeply impacted by this book. The only other book I’ve read recently that even comes close is Cold Tangerines by Shauna Niequist. I plan to go through the study guide next. Then hopefully I’ll be able to gather some friends to go through the study guide together. I don’t know where this will lead me personally. I do know that it’s no mistake that I’m reading this book at this time in my life. It hasn’t answered any questions, rather has opened up a whole new set of questions longing to be answered, but now that the questions are out there, the longing and yearning part of me that has been dissatisfied and restless for so long can now begin a purposeful yet mystical journey to answers that may never be.

    Reply
  6. Michele

    Let me just say that having each one of you in my community of friends is so precious I can’t put it into words. I’m glad and relieved we can all be real and honest and love each other the more so because of it. Makes the wrestling with all the questions so much more bearable, and even a little fun! Thanks for your presence in my life.

    Reply
  7. alece

    we find ourselves in similar places, friend.

    i’m struggling with mine.

    Reply

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