Could the answer to one simple question reveal significant insight into your current relationships?
According to Milan & Kay Yerkovich, the answer is a big fat YES.
In 2009 this blog focused a lot on how we can use our influence for maximum impact. This remains an important theme to me, and you’ll still see posts along these lines. For 2010, however, another predominant theme is emerging:
I’m not talking about proximity to people. With international travel, the Internet, and cell phones, we have plenty of that. Instead I’m talking about intentionally moving those abundant opportunities for connection toward a deeper level of life-giving intimacy and relationship. Easy to discuss, not so easily done, which explains why many struggle with a growing sense of disconnect and loneliness.
As part of my ongoing research, yesterday I started reading the Yerkovich’s book How We Love. Leaning heavily on Attachment theory, the authors draw a significant connection between our earliest experiences with receiving love and comfort and our current patterns of giving and receiving love in relationships (namely marriage, although other relationships are certain to be impacted as well). They begin by posing a question they claim is, “The Revealing Question You Need to Answer.”
To be blunt, I’m resistant to digging into the past. Still, the authors argued persuasively in yesterday’s pages that this question is simply a portal to enhancing the present. Are you ready?
Can you recall being comforted as a child after a time of emotional distress? If so, what were the circumstances and how did your caregiver respond (or didn’t respond)?
The goal here isn’t to be negative, but merely exploratory. I’ll go first in the comments. More on this topic to come …
(Photo courtesy of bies, stock.xchng)