I spent the first 20+ years of my life dreaming of being a mother. And when I tried to imagine it in all of its glory, I pictured things like:

  • Christmas morning
  • Bedtime tuck-ins
  • Rocking chair lullabies
  • Soccer games
  • Disneyland
  • Tickle fights
  • Halloween costumes
  • Birthday parties
  • Cuddling
  • School science projects
  • Sesame Street
  • Sleepy songs
  • Snowball fights
  • Movie and pizza nights
  • Saturday morning cartoons
  • Footed pajamas
  • Cookies and milk after school
  • Nightlights
  • Summers at the swimming pool
  • Easter baskets
  • Laughter

Somehow I didn’t picture all the less-glamorous things, things like sleepless nights. Mood swings. Rebellion. Eye-rolling. Less-than-stellar choices. Messy rooms. Late nights spent worrying. The ever popular “I’d rather hang out with my friends.”

And graduation.

Tomorrow is my oldest son’s last day of high school. Next Thursday is his graduation ceremony. And although graduation isn’t a bad thing (it’s what we hope for after 13 long years of schooling) and I’m incredibly proud of him, it isn’t something I pictured when I dreamed of being a mom. I’m sure it was there, at the bottom of my list of “Things my kids and I will do together.” But I didn’t have any idea how difficult it would be to

Let go.

When you orient your entire life around being a mother, it hurts like heck to see that piece of your life coming to an end. Or at least changing in dramatic fashion.

Over the next week, I’ll be giving you an inside peak into my current journey, in all of its glorious ups and downs. If you’re a mom faced with letting go, hang out with me and tell me how you’re handling it, would you? And if you know of someone else in the middle of the chaos, send them this way.

Nothing helps ease the ache like presence.