When God Doesn’t Heal

Sep 19, 2017

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We met nearly ten years ago, both of us passionate about ministry and unaware of the healing we’d need years down the road. Our meeting was short—a few days. At the time, he was a new Christian and a budding author and speaker, with enough raw talent to throw me into intimidation. I was a young (and green) speaking coach, tasked with guiding and equipping a group of communicators. He was one of the group, and his name was Nabeel Qureshi.

Conference complete, I returned to my life and Nabeel to his. I thought little of him in the years after, until I ran across his name on social media in 2014 or so. It’s not a name one soon forgets.

After a quick search, I found him on Twitter and discovered the young speaker had become quite prolific, speaking at hundreds of universities, churches, conferences and various other venues. Known for his thorough knowledge of Jesus and Christianity, he often defended both via public debates with an intelligence and warmth that left others stunned.

His faith burned like a bright light, inextinguishable.

I shot him a quick note, congratulating him on his ministry and encouraging him to press on.

Soon after, I was diagnosed with tongue cancer for the second and third times, in spite of repeated prayers for healing, and I drifted away from social media in my fight to live. All thoughts of Nabeel Qureshi evaporated in the immediacy of my existence.

But then I recovered and slowly came back to life over the following two years, permanently marked and altered, but alive. Somewhere along the way, I read Nabeel’s bestselling book, Seeking Allah, Finding Jesus. I wept while reading the last pages. His story was poignant and thought-provoking, his words reaching my raw places as I wrestled through so many faith and life questions.

Then, late last year, I once again stumbled across Nabeel on social media. Only this time, the encounter delivered a difficult blow:

Nabeel had been diagnosed with advanced stomach cancer. This man whose faith inspired thousands—including me—was now fighting for his life, much as I had mine.

So I started to pray. God heal! God, this is your son, your servant! Deliver him! Show us your glory!

Because of his very public ministry, his diagnosis sat in a spotlight. This was a former Muslim who embraced Christianity after a thorough study of Jesus. Surely God would spare him! His platform was big, his testimony powerful. This was to be a healing of Divine proportions.

Only it wasn’t. Three days ago, on Saturday, September 16, Nabeel went home. At the age of 34, he met Jesus face-to-face, the One He loved most of all.

I’m heartbroken. These things hit me hard now that I know they don’t just happen to “other people.” I ache for his wife and young daughter, his wide circle of friends and colleagues. I mourn the loss of a strong voice of Faith who shared Truth with extraordinary conviction, grace and love.

But perhaps my greatest struggle is understanding why.

Not “Why do bad things happen?” I’ve already wrestled that question into submission. No one is immune to pain. And pain, as much as we hate it, serves a purpose.

Instead, why him? And why now? He was a defender of the Gospel. He stood at the front lines of Christianity boldly sharing his faith to a world of seekers. Was healing too much to ask for?

Last year, after speaking at an event in South Africa, a woman approached me, confident:

“Don’t you worry, Michele. God has too much good work for you to do to let you die. You’re going to live a long time! I know it!” She patted my arm and walked away. I stood there shaking my head.

It doesn’t work that way.

I don’t have all the answers, even after years of searching desperately for them. But, in all my questioning and struggling, all my fighting to live and facing the reality that I will die, I’ve learned to go back to three core questions when the ground under my faith starts to quake:

  • Is God real? Whew. I’m not beating around the bush here, am I? This is where all our searching must begin. If God isn’t real, then everything about our existence means nothing. We are accidents of nature waiting to expire. Why fight it? Why pray for healing and live a meaningless existence? What we do or say means nothing, changes nothing. However, if God is real, that fact changes everything. We are created by Someone with intention, someone who is stronger, wiser, bigger than us and our questions. This is terrifying. And reassuring. Depending on the answer to the next question …
  • Is He good? This is all about character. If God is real, then what do I believe about His nature, His heart? If I believe He’s a vindictive, cruel or indifferent God, then NO, THANK YOU. I’ll figure this one out on my own. However, the Bible speaks of a God who is tender, compassionate, full of mercy, absolutely faithful. A God who gave His own life to rescue mine, even knowing how many times I’d doubt Him. Will I forget his goodness and love in the place of my pain? Or …
  • Will I trust Him? This right here is the question of all questions, the one I’m forced to answer when friends die and healing doesn’t come. Ultimately I must make a choice, one that trumps both my capacity to understand and my ability to control. I can either release my strangle hold on life to reach for this real God who calls me His beloved. OR I can refuse Him and do my best to strong-arm life into submission. Of course, eventually you and I will both discover that control is an illusion. Then what will we be left hanging on to? Trusting God doesn’t eliminate our pain, not even close. But it gives meaning and purpose to it, and hope of new life in spite of it.

Someday each one of us will receive a “no” in spite of our prayers for healing. No matter how hard we work to preserve life, one day we will lose it. Morbid? Maybe. But real. And the more we build our security on the answers to those core questions today, the better prepared we’ll be to face the unanswerable ones tomorrow.

And to Nabeel: I’ll see you soon, brother. I’m keeping my eyes on Jesus, all the way Home. He is real, He is good, and I trust Him.

{NOTE: This post may contain affiliate links. See my full disclosure here.}

[reminder]Have you wrestled with a ‘why’ question? What helped you walk through it? [/reminder]



  1. Crystal S. Hornback

    Oh, Michele, this is beautiful and gut-punching. Thank you for your perspective. I have battled an auto-immune disease for 5 years now. I’ve searched far and wide for answers, treatment, healing. I’ve yet to receive any of those. In the beginning, when I was naive and in the midst of what I *thought* was the worst of it, I said out loud once, “The worst for me that could happen is not to find out what this is.” Oh, SNAP. Those words haunt me today. Others ask on a daily basis, “How are you?” And I always answer, “I’m okay!” because I truly am. I try to keep life in perspective and embrace the truths that God has given me. He IS real, He IS good, and He IS for me! If I don’t receive physical healing on this earth, I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I will receive it one day in Glory. Though some days are hard and long, I try to remember this promise. He healed my heart long ago, and that means more than physical healing any day.

    I did not know Nabeel, but am mourning his loss alongside you. Praying for you as you mourn your beautiful friend.

    • Jen

      Ahhh Crystal. Like you, my husband and I said, “Not knowing is the worst!” when we learned he had cancer but they couldn’t figure out what kind. We found out how wrong we were. There is much worse than not knowing. My husband is living the good life with Jesus now. Sweet lady, God is faithful. Let the truths that He is real, He is good, He is for you carry you through your darkest days. I’ll do the same.

  2. Linda Lochridge Hoenigsberg

    I am just now reading Nabeel’s book after learning of his death. I have wanted to read it for a long time and for one reason or another put it off. I didn’t want to forget about it…or about him. He was “like one, crying in the wilderness,” too important of a voice to miss. I am also reading “7 Lessons From Heaven,” by Mary C. Neal, M.D. As soon as I read the first chapter, I knew it would be an important book for me to read. We need these voices, and we need the Word, and we need each other. Thank you for being a voice in my world, Michele. I need you.

  3. Carla Smith

    I too have followed Nabeel’s journey as I have yours also. It is so grievous to loose such a strong bright voice as Nabeel. He had such kind grace in great combination with his extraordinary zeal, passion & knowledge for Christ. He had a way of even making his online family be a part of his intimate life. Thank you Michelle for not ignoring the hard questions. We all need each other- even if sometimes it’s just a screen away. YOU are a miracle! I love your tenacity to live life!

  4. Wendy L Macdonald

    Thank you for your always refreshing honesty with us, Michele. Nabeel was a wonderful witness of Christ’s love. I found his last vlog on YouTube comforting because he focused on “God is love.” One of my friends is battling cancer right now. I have always considered her my big sister-in-Christ because she invited me to her care group many years ago. It was in this group, and at her church, that I grew and went from believing in God to trusting in Jesus. I am hoping for a miracle for her while keeping my heart prepared for the possibility she may go Home sooner than any of us want her to.
    Yes, either way, God is good.
    Blessings ~ Wendy
    Here’s Nabeel’s vlog post: https://youtu.be/zU9fu-lC3fY

  5. Glenda Weeks

    My why question came when my Mother was diagnosed with leukemia after overcoming breast cancer. Why woul God let such a strong witness for Him suffer and die. Why would he let her leave behind my Dad who was legally blind? I had no choice but to lean on my faith and my Jesus after she died. My Daddy needed me and I needed Jesus to lean on. The word of God sustained me. The glory of God kept me sane. The journey for the five years that followed my Mother’s death were hard. I had to care for my Daddy and it was only through much soul searching that I was able to be there for him. The year after my mother died I also lost my husband to a heart attack. God showed me how big He is by sustaining me through this time. As I look back on the last few years I can clearly see that my strength came from the Lord.

  6. Sharon Dodd

    Excellent post, as always. I too was hit hard by Nabeel’s death. I had no idea of his struggle with cancer. I had heard him speak here in Edmond, OK a few years ago. I remember that it was sometime after my struggle with breast cancer and a few years later with leukemia and a bone marrow transplant – because I remember having trouble walking from the parking lot to the First Presbyterian Church where he spoke, and a kind couple helped me. I was a Christian but was struggling a little, and I was so impressed with his ready explanations of how he came to Christ and his answers to the Muslims who were in the audience and who asked pointed questions during the question and answer period. I know answers for myself, but I struggle with answering others who ask me questions about my faith – I am not good at memorizing Scripture to best answer intelligently. (Just to remind you, Michele, it was Ann Voskamp who gave me your name when I met her as she was in Edmond signing books. It was 4 days prior to my surgery to remove the right side of my tongue and the lymph node dissection and I told her about it, that I was not ready, but that I would be ready in 4 days. She was so kind to give me your name. And the other God thing is that I had your book at home in my “to be read” stack and did not remember buying it!

  7. Michael Babbitt

    I never met Nabeel Qureshi. Yet I watched his videos and came to like him a lot as he worked in his ministry. I came to love him as a person and as a wonderfully gifted man of God. And then, like you, I heard of his cancer. I just could not believe it. I cried. And I prayed often for his total healing, giving reasons to God why Nabeel should be allowed to continue in his ministry and with his family. I heard that many prophetic people said he would beat it, but I know that prophecy and wish fulfillment intertwine way too often. And when he passed this past Saturday, I wept as if a good friend, nay, a member of my family, had been taken away. But with our hope in the Lord, we know he was taken into a wonderful Eternity. It is we who feel abandoned. (But we are Not! )

  8. Meredith

    I, too, have wondered why such a gifted convert was taken so young. I pray for his family. May his parents meet Jesus during this storm.
    Michelle, thank you for encouraging me to think more of eternity and the impact I can have in my little corner of this world. Jesus is our one constant!

  9. Julie Sunne

    Wow, what a perfect post, Michele, raising and addressing the three core questions that really matter! Most Christians who know Nabeel’s story will ask the same questions you did: Why him, and why now? He was uniquely positioned to reach a community that desperately needs to hear the truth of the Gospel, and he was willing and entirely able. But those latter two questions really don’t matter, do they, if we honestly answer the three you present?

  10. Jenny Mosier

    Thank you. It’s so nice to be validated in my questions & yes, doubts! So very many questions for Him. I’m thankful He welcomes me of little faith with open arms every time.

    Love you, friend! So thankful for your voice!

  11. Damon J. Gray

    Many years ago, in a conversation with a fellow pastor about the loss of a very young child, this pastor left me speechless with an insightful comment/analysis of the child’s passing. He said, “The question is not ‘Why did God let my son die,’ but rather, ‘Why does God let me live?'” I had no response for that. He was spot on correct.

  12. Pearl Allard

    “Trusting God doesn’t eliminate our pain, not even close. But it gives meaning and purpose to it, and hope of new life in spite of it.” Michelle, this is so beautifully worded. Thank you. When my brother died at 28yrs from cystic fibrosis, I questioned whether God loved me. I decided He did. And I decided I could trust Him. It’s worth it because of what you said. Not always easy, though.

    • Pearl Allard

      *Michele – so sorry for the misspelling. And I’m hurting for you as you (and all those touched by Nabeel) grieve.

    • Michele Cushatt

      CF is such a brutal disease. In my early years of nursing, we took care of several CF patients. I know it couldn’t have been easy for you to watch and experience. And yet here you are. Thank you for being courageous. And faithful. Even when you don’t understand.

  13. Marina

    Incredible. Thank you.

  14. Sharon Leach

    Michelle I learned several years ago that God ALWAYS answers the prayer for healing. Not always healing here on earth but when He takes His children home that is perfect healing. I prayed for God to heal Bill. I quickly added I prefer here on earth and not the perfect healing of taking him Home. May God continue to use you as you serve Him. When will you be back to Illinois again? Hope to see you again this side of Heaven.

  15. Beth A. Boehr

    Michele, there is just something about the way you share your heart on paper but draws me into what is on your heart. Your God encounters reveal a real depth, understanding and solidness of your relationship with your God. You don’t pretend to avoid the hard issues….you’ve walked, crawled through these dark, difficult places but you have such a keen awareness of truth and light. Thank you!!!! Thank you for not giving up and pressure through the hard places of life.

  16. Kelly Keith

    Amen, sister. We both know full well the pain of loss. God promises us a world of problems, but encourages us to “take heart.” He has overcome the world and offers us peace in spite of the world.

    I think we miss the fact, in our grief and loss, that heaven is a reward. Nabeel, and John, and your dad, have no more pain or suffering. Just pure joy. The grief for those of us left behind is immeasurable. But if we are believers we can take heart…our reward is waiting when we finish our race.

  17. Lesley

    Thank you Michele. I’ll remember these 3 questions. God bless you in your struggle.

  18. LeAnne Martin

    Michele, this is so good. So timely, real, warm, and helpful. Bless you.

  19. Judy Martin

    I do not often write replies to articles I read, but I felt compelled today. I, too, have struggled with Nabeel’s passing, asking the same hard questions as you. I am still angry about it, in fact. But you are so right, the bottom line is, am I going to trust the God of the universe? and keep on trusting Him, no matter what?

    Yes, I am.

    Thank you for sharing your heart

  20. Gina

    Thank you. Michele , I second that emotion.
    Praising with you for salvation, grace, and that love is stronger than death. Forever grateful – Nabeel is safely home.

  21. Betty Arthurs

    Encouraging thoughts. Thanks!

  22. Jeannie S.

    The answers to these three questions are the difference between hope and no hope. Thank you for them. I live in Houston where Nabeel called his earthly home. Our Sunday School class just started his study the day after his death. I am deeply grieved for the loss of such an incredible man of God. I pray his parents find Jesus. I pray we can cling to the answers to these questions and have hope in the midst of this loss. Thank you Michele for sharing and honoring Nabeel’s life.

    • Michele Cushatt

      Yes. The difference between hope and no hope. Thanks, Jeannie.

  23. Melinda

    This may be an article I print off and keep in my bible. We suffered the loss of a 21 year old in a drunk driving accident. These thoughts/questions surface from time to time. Thank you!

    • Michele Cushatt

      Oh, Melinda. I’m so sorry. Of course the questions surface from time to time; that’s part of being a human capable of deep love. But He is with you, through all of them. And He won’t let you go.

  24. Kim Wennerberg


    As always God’s timing is perfect. Please know you are someone God used to speak to me today. Recently diagnosed with Meniere’s, I am struggling with so many questions. Besides spending massive amounts of time googling all things Meniere’s, I am not as far along as you in my walk, so I’m still spending time asking why.

    I know He CAN heal me but why did it happen? Why would he heal me? Why wouldn’t he? :/ Where is he? Why do I feel so alone? I don’t have the answers but realizing as I type I should spend more time talking to God than I do googling a disease He is ultimately in charge of anyway.

    I go back and forth with good days and bad days – and know I could have it so much worse and be thankful for what I DO have.

    I’m single with no family nearby (and little family to speak of anywhere) and often feel like I’m left to battle this, and everything else, all lone. Yet twice in the last week, God has shown me so clearly that I am not alone. He is there in front of, beside and behind me.

    As I went to the bathroom one night last week, watching a tear slide down my face in the mirror, I said out loud, “Lord, I know there’s a verse in the bible about counting my tears…well…I’ve certainly given you some more to add to the bucket tonight.” A few minutes later, tucked into bed, I decided it would be a good idea to bring out my daily bible reading for some anti-anxiety measures. Recently having read “Draw the Circle – the 40 day prayer challenge” – it had said to no longer pray vague prayers. How do we know God is answering or if it’s just coincidence, if we aren’t specific? Be specific – and bold.

    So I prayed: Lord let whatever it is you want me to hear tonight literally leap off the page at me. Don’t allow me to wonder what it is you’re speaking to me. And you know what verse was in my reading for that day in the One Year bible? Psalm 56:8 You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears on your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. (NLT)

    I started bawling my eyes out thanking God for showing me is there.

    Similarly this morning, during my shower, I remembered the verse about God not promising that we wouldn’t have trouble in this world. Lo and behold, when I went to my daily devotional, guess what verse was for today? I couldn’t believe my eyes.

    So besides assuring me that I’m not alone, this tells me two things: if we don’t memorize scripture, we can’t use it to be comforted nearly as well. And more importantly, we will find Him if we earnestly seek Him.

    I know I feel like such a baby Christian (which I shouldn’t be since I was saved at age 8 and am about to turn 45) when I ask for reassurances and signs. And God is infinitely patient with me and shows me more often than He should have to!

    I’ve thought of you several times since my diagnosis, Michele, and I can’t thank you enough for your encouragement and willingness to openly and honestly share your struggles and your triumphs.

    I’m going to go back and re-read your book I AM. Thanking God for you and praying for you today.


    • Michele Cushatt

      Oh, the nearness and sweetness of God. There’s nothing like it. Thank you, thank you, for sharing your hard-but-beautiful story, Kim. You encouraged me today.

    • Kat

      Dear Kim,

      I also have Meniere’s Disease. You are not alone, Sister. (((hugs)))

      In Christ,

      • Kim Wennerberg

        Thank you, Kat! I am sorry you’re experiencing it too, but grateful to know we are not alone.

  25. Kim Woodhouse

    Michele, thanks so much for sharing from your heart. Nabeel was an incredible guy with such an amazing testimony. Looking forward to the book. – Kim

  26. Dr Lynn Schriner

    Dear Michele:
    Kindred spirit to me. Fellow sojourner of suffering “saints”. I loved this because I have been there, over and over I have questioned and been brought into surrender. (I used to feel we arm wrestled, GOD and I) how silly is that? Guess who wins? 40 years of being sick every single day. 40 years of watching the “Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away”. Mostly taketh away. I have survived rapes and the loss of a child and dreams. I have lost my health and most freedoms, I have wandered in wilderness’s of pain. I have a page Home for the Bewildered, because I often am…Cancer, poisonings, severe osteoporosis, MS., chronic viral loads. MCS, 7 car accidents, struck by lightening, brown recluse spider bite. Sepsis infection, ICU, (miracles bring me back from the dead) while beloved friends and family pass away at 40, 54, 62, over and over I say goodbye. Why? I have asked the question and BEGGED to die at times in the deep pain of months without release. Yet, he has tenderly called my name, he has gently laid me down and ministered to me. He has comforted and walked beside me when almost EVERYONE left me in my pain. (Job’s friends) I was a little kid who started every single question with a “Why?” Ha! There is only “why not?” for me anymore. Why not the suffering and loneliness and pain? Why not the dreams that never die, nor become fulfilled. Why not the hard marriage. Why not the rejected in the church? Jesus was all of those experiences in his life. He was everything that we would NOT wish to endure in our fleshly lifetime. He laid it down. He took it on. Full faced, bold faced, weak as a kitten, with the power of GOD restrained within him. Thank you for your words.

  27. Trudy

    I’m so sorry for the loss of your friend, Michelle. I love the core questions you ask yourself when the ground under your faith is shaking. I need to remember them. Yes, no matter what, God is real, He is good, and we can trust Him. Not always easy to believe and trust, but He is so patient with us. My husband and I like to remind each other – “We don’t need to understand; we just need to hold His hand.” Thank you for encouraging my heart, here and in the devotional – I Am – I read this summer. Blessings and hugs!

    • Michele Cushatt

      Oh, I love that. “We don’t need to understand; we just need to hold his hand.” Beautiful. Thank you, Trudy.

  28. Rick Vanderlip

    Praise GOD MOST HIGH !!! !!! !!! The Risen CHRIST JESUS is KING of kings & LORD of lords !!! !!! !!!
    ‘ The Trinity in the Universe ‘ by Nathan R.Wood. Introduction written by G. Campbell Morgan. Worth reading…
    The BIBLE . Also worth prayerful reading & careful heeding !!! The BIBLE.

    Nabeel Qureshi. . . REST IN THE PEACE of the PRINCE OF PEACE “

  29. Lisa Carriere

    I’m taking off my sandals after reading this, Michele. Your article makes me feel like I’m on holy ground.

  30. Michelle Carson

    Good medicine for my soul this morning!
    Thank you my friend!

  31. Pam Weston

    Thank you for your words. Our family can so relate. We just lost one of our daughters-in-law to breast cancer earlier this year. She fought hard and bravely and honestly chronicling her over three year battle on her blog. She literally had thousands of people all over the world praying for her healing. She had a strong belief and trust in the Lord’s ability to heal her along with the many who prayed for that healing, but the Lord chose to take her to heaven for her healing. Her memorial service was a testament to the impact she had on the lives of others through her ministry and through her story. Our son is now trying to raise his three little girls as a grieving single dad. The Lord has blessed him and his girls with so many big and little blessings and lots of help. Each day is a struggle right now, but he continues to faithfully care for his daughters. We can still say that God is good!

  32. Kimberly Taghon

    Our why questions do not have answers that can be understood in the context of this world, only in the next. We must come to terms with our limited understanding. Our control, as you say, is an illusion. To acknowledge this is an illusion makes us feel our impotency and it is frightening. God tells us do not fear. He says to trust Him. Like going through a minefield, holding the hand of the one who knows where danger lies, I must fully trust. The more often we take the minefield trip, we learn He is trustworthy and begin to relax even in times of danger.

  33. KLMN

    Thank you for a wonderful article that holds so much truth! I can affirm that God is Good, and that I’m still trusting Him. I lost my wonderful husband of 44 years to pancreatic cancer on July 4, 2016. My life has completely changed in every way. I’m still learning God’s unconditional, everlasting love is not dependent on the circumstances of my life. I’m praying for hope from Him for the new future that I can’t see.

  34. C Buckaway

    the why questions come when we view the purpose of our lives from an earthly experience. Why did my husband have to die, when he had 3 precious little children and a wife that needed hime. Why, when he was natural at making friends and leading them to Christ, Why Him and not someone who was old and bitter. But God, from His perspective He welcomed His son into glory, gave Him His reward. He can work through anyone, he can make me a better person through this grieving process. He can make me a better mother through it all. He can make me the answer to someone else’s prayer for a godly wife. Nothing happens without His perfect plan unfolding in spite of our sin messing up this world, His kingdom will come.
    Great insight in this article. It’s not so much the why, it’s Do we trust Him to be who He says He is.

  35. P. Savelle

    Thank you for sharing your very honest thoughts that are shared by many. Those, like you, who came to love Nabeel through his ministry even though we never met face to face grieve over this loss and for his young family left without his strong & loving presence. You have put our sad thoughts into words and have spoken the uncertainty we all share but have also lifted up the faith in our Lord we continue in no matter the questions that will not be answered until we see Him in eternity.

  36. Jo Gunnell

    This hit the nail on the head for me. My fit healthy husband with no health problems ever at age 69 collapsed in our kitchen one night, was revived but on life support for 2 weeks. Had to send him to heaven. We were married for 47 years and he had his own business so we worked together all those years and were never apart. The grief is overwhelming (this was 17 months ago), I questioned my faith constantly, is there really a God is there really Heaven and do we just sleep in the grave until his appearing or do we go straight to heaven (which I have always believed), when your life gets turned inside out it’s just an impossible situation. I have no desire to be in this world, I have my son and his family living with me now, a nice distraction, I have friends etc, only distraction until I can be with him one day. No one talks or tells you about grief, they say go to Grief Share , I did that, I don’t like meetings or watching videos, Bible studies, where you don’t really get to know anyone. Oh well. that’s all for now

  37. Marie Butson

    I heard about you though the Ann Voskamp email i get each weekend and am intrigued by your book titles and journey. Muh of what you shared in this post are issues we have dealt with in healh issues and he loss of close family members. But now it seems I am being led into a muç more intense time od learning to be who God made me to be and to breathe in his grace. I am “recovering” after a year long residency in chaplaincy (in a hospital) that left me emotionally and spiritually, broken and physically exhausted. Even though I finished the progrzm, I did not advance to the place where I could pursue employment in a position as a chaplain. I felt ashamed and so angry at myself and even at God for allowing me to go through a year of “education”– for what? I was sick for my first 3 weeks out and now feel like I’m finally in the sunlight and fresh air, able to breathe and think clearly, considering the growth God granted , largely fed by the encouragement of a couple of peers in my group who kept calling me out into a safe place where character issues could be addressed. This week I felt received by the Lord as I confessed my striving to be someone different than who I am and how I struggle with getting stuck in my own quicksand. Here are health issues too that as I approach the big 6-0, I realize will not be cured or healed,but need to come to a place of trust and acceptance. If I can -no, I WILL continue to trust God is at work as I see his abundance in my life that isn’t measured by a bank balance or a professional title. ..that I am enough and the striving must stop if I want to really live. Thank you for sharing your journey for others like me to gain some wisdom and not feel alone in life in living the kind of life I hadn’t planned on.

  38. Magda

    Yes, I loved Nabeel too. See, we are family, all of us, Christians, belong to the family of God – And one by one, we will go Home, one way or another. We will miss the brother or sister we knew here, but we will see each other again. Let us recognize each other and say hello when we cross each other’s path. Let us not be sisters and brothers only when we are inside the buildings we call “church”, we are the Church that meet inside the buildings.

  39. Norm Huie

    For the past decade, I have had what is called “Cycler’s Syndrome”, medically diagnosed as Pudendal Nerve Entrapment. The nerve is centered in the very lower back, and transfers sensation underneath the buttocks. I experience intense burning pain every single time I sit down. It is all-consuming, and always with me. After much prayer, laying on of hands at church, etc. it came to me that I simply was not going to be healed, at least not now. It took me many, many months of anxious questioning and wondering to come to rest. I am a great fan of Joni Erickson Tada, who said, “Our sovereign God reserves the right to heal, or not, as He sees fit.” This was profound to me, and Scripturally sound. In the years that have followed, to this very day, I’ve felt His presence and goodness, and experienced his love in more tangible ways than I could count through much pain and discomfort. After testicular cancer in the 90’s, I thought I had a pass to no more pain. But not so. Yet, in spite of reaccuring, debilitating medical conditions, I’ve come to the conclusion, as Joni did, “God has chosen not to heal me, but to hold me.” With this, I’m at peace, and draw closer to Him and his living hope with each passing day.

  40. Noel

    Speaking as a woman who has buried three children, I think we look at this the wrong way sometimes. Is there something bad about going to heaven? Is there some reason why we should want to cling to this world of sin and suffering? In the case of this man who died, of course, it is sad that he would leave family behind. But for him personally? To be present with the Lord? This is a reward. A great joy. The culmination for which we have been created.
    Sometimes it is through the experience of death that we learn to understand that life is not about the brief period of time we spend on this broken earth. We were created to be with God- and when we die in Christ we go to be with God! We fulfill our purpose and find fulfillment in God Himself! Those left behind may grieve their loss and loneliness, but the one who has died has woken to life, and he (or she) is not grieving, but rejoicing. Yes, we must grieve, but for ourselves; we are still here, we are still fighting the good fight. Only someday will we be in the blessed condition our loved ones are now.

  41. Jean Schlapfer

    Just recently read “Seeking Allah, Finding Jesus”. What a testimony to the great love, mercy,and grace of our Faithful Lord. My heart is sadden by the new the death of such a
    seeker, finder and sharer of the Lord Jesus.

  42. Allen Cunningham

    Oh Michelle, thank you so much for that message. In the past two years I lost my husband, the love of my life to CTE my Daddy to a heart attack, and my best friend to cancer. She is the one who introduced me to you. We prayed for years for her to be healed. All along I just knew that God would miraculously heal her. Even the day before she died I thought He would. I miss her every day. But I have come away with the fact that God is still good and He knows what He is doing. I look forward to the day when I see all of them in heaven. Thank you for all you
    Do on line. Blessings to you, Allen Cunningham
    Just to make sure my name doesn’t throw you, I am a girl with a family name.

  43. Elma Du Toit

    Yes I have struggled with this question numerous times – but the biggest one was when my son died at the age of 23, ready to go to India as a missionary. God’s answers to me came through reading many different books and authors, and of course through His Word: A broken heart He will not despise. My son’s work on earth was complete, his purpose fulfilled. A broken heart can be a blessing, a paradoxical truth like many others in God’s kingdom. A seed has to die to produce much fruit. We have to lay down our lives if we really want to live… Joy is not the absence of pain, but the presence of God… and so I can go on. In the end the “why?” question leads to the question: “To what purpose?” And this leads one back to the Origin, the Alpha en the Omega.

  44. Kelley Reeher

    I have walked the road of continual health issues, surgeries and prayers pleading for healing. I have come to the same place as you as I’ve watched friends suffer and die. In the end you put it so beautifully, “He is real”, “He is Good”, and “I will trust Him”. Your words so touched my soul today as I find myself in pain again and frustrated with this body. He has never let me down and I have been able to use all my pain and struggles to bless and encourage others to trust Him through their journeys. What a blessing for me to run across your devotions just when I needed them. God is so good. Whether his answer is a resounding yes or a quiet no, he is still in control and will carry us through. We know the end of the story and our prize for trusting the one with all the answers. Thank you!


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